I think it's (comedy) harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike. " Wanda Sykes

 

"Okay, who wants to be the human bowling ball?" Warren Sundt, Owner/Manager, Vernon Hills Capitals semi-pro ice hockey team

 

I don't think that the Vernon Hills city fathers had it planned quite this way, but the Zanie's Comedy Club and the Glacier Ice Arena are located less than a mile from each other. I think the two worlds of Vernon Hills came together on Saturday night, December 18. For me, it proved a pivotal point in my comedy...uh...sports broadcasting career. ComedySports? You bet! The boys-- Les Grobstein and Steve Leventhal-- and yours truly of the Weekend Sports Report--were invited to be the guest "entertainment" during intermissions at the Glacier Ice Arena.  I love minor-league sports for the very reason we were there... promotions are creative, crowds are lively and the action is always impassioned against rivals who play simply for the love of the game.

 Nowhere was this more evident than the large and rowdy crowd (including the friends and families of Leventhal and Moran, who probably categorized as "rowdy") to witness a southern division Great Lakes Hockey League (GLHL) battle when the Capitals (8-3) took on league leading Fond du Lac Bears (9-0-1) who were undefeated coming into Saturday night.

 

The Capital's veteran, Rolling Meadows native #10 Bobby Siers, had a break out game by scoring 4 goals in the game. The first goal he scored was while the Bears were on a power play during the first period. At the end of the first period the Caps were on top by a score of 3-2.

 

And then, it was the Weekend Sports Report's turn to shine in the glare of non-Zambonied ice. The balls-out aggression of the embattled rivals made snow drifts at the edge of the ice.  With Steve out due to shoulder surgery the day before, and Les doing schtick at the microphone... guess who was elected to become the "human bowling ball?"

 

What did Wanda Sykes say about being ladylike? Did I ever tell you that Carol Burnett and Lucille Ball are my flame-haired role models? Did they back down from looking like idiots? Never!! Did they "take one for their team" every now and again? Absolutely! Did they end up respected and loved by all? Hell, yeah!  I was going to do them proud.  I channeled both Carol and Lucy, and with the help of Steve's brave daughter, Robin, who was elected to be my official "pusher," I took off. But the snowy ice gave no added momentum, and I stopped about a foot from the pins.  Vowing that the show must go on, I paddled through the ice on all fours to the pins...half crawling, half paddling...wishing I'd thought to wear gloves...looking, I thought, like a half-dog/half-caterpillar. Six pins went down before I was finally called back to the microphone where Les was providing my play-by-play. I did get applause for the splits I did to end my turn. The boy who was my competition had two strong men pushing him, and he managed to get six pins down.  He won, me having been ruled ineligible. I thought it was an appropriate call.

 

I can't claim with virtual certainty that the WSR tag team in the first intermission had an effect, but in the second period, the Capitals shut down the Bears and put three more goals on the board. Siers buried another short handed goal to give him a hat trick.

 

Then, it was time for the second intermission, in which Les handled play-by-play for another contest, which I noticed was sponsored by Jewel-Osco, where a banana ran a footrace across the ice with a gorilla. I believe the gorilla won. I just marveled at their ability to run across the ice...without sliding and sans skates. 

 

In the third period the Bears tried to battle back by scoring 2 goals. But the Capitals answered by scoring 2 goals themselves. #7 defenseman Trevor Graham went coast to coast, then the MVP of the night, Siers, finished up by scoring a power play goal sealing the Capital's victory over the Bears by a score of 8-4. Caps goalie #30 Peter Wisnieff stopped 35 of 39 shots to seal the win over the Bears.

 

And most important, the Capitals handed the Bears of Fond du Lac, near hockey's birthplace, their first defeat of the season. Sweet victory. Great time.

 

For all this entertainment at the Glacier Ice Arena, tickets were a paltry $5 for general admission. The Moran clan chose to partake of the $10 President's Club tickets, which provided access to a warm room right by the ice where they could partake in all-you-can-drink beer. Let it be noted that everyone drank responsibly, walked straight and drove back to the western suburbs safely. Thanks to Warren and Laura Sundt and the Vernon Hills Capitals for a great time!